October 27th, 2019
Picture it: October 25th, 2019. A 42-year-old Kanye West sits in the Oval Office sporting a Yeezy Hoodie, Yeezy ‘Calabasas’ Joggers, and suede Yeezy sneakers— each item complimented by the bright red MAGA hat that sits securely on top of his Yeezy head. In his left hand: a photograph of himself, in which, of course, a similar Yeezy ensemble adorns him. And in his right? A Chick-fil-A sandwich: crispy, small-minded chicken with a rather large dollop of blatant homophobia plopped right on top, all served on a stale, problematically-white bun. A song, “Closed on Sundays,” from Mr. West’s latest album, Jesus is King, plays in the background. Oh, and Donald Trump is there too, and although unable to properly sway his body rhythmically enough to align with the music, he taps his left foot along to the beat from time to time, proving that his brain is at least somewhat capable of comprehending sound. No one knows where Kim is.
“Wait for it,” West calls out, his mouth full of breaded intolerance, “this is my favorite part!” His favorite part is, of course, the part where he addresses Kim in the song while singing: “Closed on Sunday / You my Chick-fil-A / You’re my number one / With the Lemonade,” which quite literally translates to: Closed on Sunday / You’re my homophobic fast food restaurant chain / With the lemonade. Earlier in the verse, he also suggests that Kim stops using Instagram so much, while again comparing her to the purveyor of problematic fast food. He finally concludes the ballad while squealing out the word, “CHICK-FIL-A” one last time as a closing lyric.
Yes, it’s on Kanye’s new faith-based album that he gives the Anti-LGBTQ+ company a free promo shoutout… over, and over, and over again, because nothing spreads the gospel faster than supporting hate-based fast food restaurants. If you don’t know, Chick-fil-A has come under fire in recent years after confirming its opposition towards the LGBTQ+ community… and they’re also closed every Sunday to honor founder Truett Cathy’s Christian faith. (Do the lyrics make more sense now?) Also, if you don’t know, this is Kanye’s 9th album and it dropped on Friday, with West describing the project as, “…an expression of the gospel.” Also, also, if you don’t know… Mr. West is an enthusiastic, and at times aggressive, ally and supporter of Donald Trump, because we now live in a world where a disorientated rapper is name-dropping homophobic fast food restaurants while supporting a wildly corrupt president, all in the name of Jesus Christ. Comparing modern day society to a bad Twilight Zone — Black Mirror crossover episode has become a tired metaphor at this point, and yet, the more days that go by, the more relevant that metaphor becomes.
For those of you who remain unbothered by Chick-fil-A and all of their candid homophobia, similar to how Kanye does, but still crave expedited food service on Sundays, might I suggest giving Wendy’s a try? And for those of you who don’t want to support a homophobic fast food restaurant chain in general, the Wendy’s suggestion is here for you too.
Where do you get your crispy chicken sandwiches from? Are you able to celebrate your beliefs without harming others? Comment below!